You can't see the picture when you are in the frame

 

Last week Susan and I were in the suite in Orlando talking at the end of an extremely busy day. We had two days before our Influencing the Outcome event on the 19th.

‘I think I am going to use the Eliza story this time.’ I said to Susan, as a statement but looking for approval.

‘I don’t think it fits.’ she said with a 'why would you want to do that?' look on her face!

‘What do you mean?’ I asked her surprised.

‘Well, it’s a great story but it doesn’t really fit with the end of the seminar.’ she said.

I was somewhat injured by her cold criticism and dismissed her feedback because she didn’t understand!

The next morning my mind went back to what Susan had said. Now, less defensive and emotional, I realised to my surprise that she was absolutely right! For years, week in week out, I have been coaching people on making sure that their stories have a point. That the point and the story are tightly related. That the point ties in with the theme. That the story is being told for the audience’s benefit NOT for the speakers’ .. and I was breaking almost every rule without realising it.

Why? Because I liked the story. Because I wanted to tell it the way I always tell it. But it didn’t fit properly.

The story is one of Eliza being born with a genetic disorder and brain injury and having to fight to walk and talk. It really is an epic story of persistence, but that is not how I normally used the story.

One of the techniques I teach for compelling stories is the ‘surprise story line’ – this is where the audience do not expect the twist at the end of the story. I was very proud of the surprise story line I had developed with the Eliza story, and so I wanted to keep it .. EVEN THOUGH it didn’t fit with the theme of the seminar.

I talk about Eliza needing a goal to go through her physical therapy. Then I talk about the importance of the device we made for her to keep her from rolling over and resting – it keeps her in the growth zone. And then I talk about the power of persistence and the hours she needed to spend in physical therapy for it to make any difference.

And then I say, ‘But you know what the most important lesson I’ve learned from Eliza’s journey is? We’ve learned to accept Eliza exactly as she is, as a perfectly imperfect human being, no worse than anybody else and no better than anyone else. She’s a child of God just like the rest of us. And when you stop worrying about what you don’t have, you can start to enjoy what you do have. And now we wouldn’t change her for anything.

(end-1) 'She’s perfect just as she is. You know it’s actually relatively easy to accept your daughter as she is and love her unconditionally. But if we’re all the same, and she’s perfectly imperfect just as she is .. then I don’t I have to accept that I am too? Just as I am. And that’s much harder.'

I like it! But it didn’t fit, and I couldn’t see it until Susan pointed it out. I was too attached to my own material.

My friend Les Brown says ‘You can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame!’

So finally being able to take on-board Susan’s advice, I changed the ending at the last minute.

(end-2) ‘If Eliza was here running around in her pants, she’d have a huge smile on her face, but if you looked carefully you’d see she is covered in bumps and bruises. Her life experiences are carried in her fragile little body and her persistence and resilience has been a constant inspiration to me. She learns all life’s lessons the hard way. She’s had to fight for every single inch of her growth.

But then who hasn’t? Everyone has to fight for their growth don’t they? Yours may not leave physical bumps and bruises like Eliza’s, but if you don’t fight just as hard for your growth, you don’t get it.’

I’m paraphrasing and abridging slightly, but hopefully you still get the point. With just a small change to the end of a 15 minute story, I could make it a tight fit for the seminar and make it very relevant to the closing message.

Stories are often much more versatile than people think, but you need to really think about it. I mean really think!

And often you need the vantage point of someone else. And when you get their thoughts, just say thank you! Don’t try and convince them they don’t understand!