When do you let go?
Nov 01, 2016When I was 19, my best friend and I decided we would spend a few months travelling the east coast of America. We’d fly to New York, then travel down to Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, possibly all the way down to the Keys .. and then back up again.
If we stretched our money out, we were hoping we’d last up to 3 months, before having to come back home.
I phoned Larry at his work ‘Great news!’ I said, ‘I’ve found flights to New York for just £70 each.’
‘That’s fantastic!’ he said, ‘who are we flying with?’
‘Well, the flights are with BA, but there’s a catch ..’
‘What’s the catch?’ he interrupted impatiently.
‘We can’t take any luggage!’
‘Why not?’ he said.
‘We’ll be couriers. We book the flights through TNT and they use our baggage allowance for cargo. We just have to hand some documents to a representative and we’re done! Hand luggage only, but only £70.’
‘That doesn’t sound that bad’ Larry said. ‘let’s do it!’
‘There’s another catch’ I said, ‘there is only one courier spot each day. So one of us goes one day, waits in New York overnight, and then the other one comes out the next day.’
‘Ok, but I’m going first!’ Larry said excitedly.
‘Oh, alright then!’ I said trying to sound disappointed, but I was hoping he’d want to go first!
The next few months passed slowly, but finally it was time for Larry to fly to New York. I took him to the airport. ‘I’ll meet you at JFK tomorrow!’ he said. ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine!’ And then off he went.
There were no mobile phones in those days and so I left the next morning hoping that I would be able to find him at the airport.
The flight was uneventful and before I knew it, I was walking out into arrivals and looking half excitedly, half nervously for Larry!
‘Roddy!’ I heard a shout from the side.
I turned around and saw Larry learning against a bar. He looked awful. He had shorts on and his legs were bright red below the knee and his ankles were so swollen, it was comical!
‘What happened to you?
‘Well, it’s a long story!’ he said. 'I got into a taxi when I arrived and asked him to take me to a hotel where they would have some rooms. So he drove me all over New York for ages, then stopped outside a hotel in Queens and told me they’d have a room for the night. I grabbed my bag, paid him $100 for the cab ride, then went into the hotel.’
‘$100!!’ I said. ‘You can’t afford that, your money will be gone in no time!”
‘That’s not the worst bit .. the hotel was full and by now it was after midnight. So I walked around the dark streets, carrying my bag, thinking .. this is a REALLY bad idea!’
‘Oh my goodness, what did you do?’
‘As I walked, the neighbourhood seemed to be getting dodgier and dodgier .. I felt I needed to get out of there .. fast!’
‘Did you get a taxi?’
‘There weren’t any about. So I crawled into a bush at the side of the road, and hid!’
‘You hid in a bush! How long for?’
‘Til morning! I didn’t get one wink of sleep. I had rats literally running across my body. I heard sirens all night. People shouting. Swearing. Screaming. It was like the films! I covered my face with my jumper and laid still till it got light. The only place the mosquitos could bite me was through my socks .. so that’s where they feasted .. all night long.’
‘What happened in the morning?’ I said, thinking, how can I say I want to go home already..?!
‘I crawled out from the bush just as people in suits were going to work. I got some very weird looks! Then I asked how to get to the airport and someone pointed me to the subway!’
‘I am not going on the New York Subway!’ I said very definitively.
‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine!’ he said, typically optimistically. ‘I’ve got it all worked out!’
Well, we did go on the subway and it was terrifying!
Our 3 month trip didn’t last as long as we’d planned. We stayed in the YMCA for two nights, and only two more nights in a hotel. The rest of the time we stayed with friends and slept rough quite a few nights. But even so, we had spent all our money in just over 2 weeks!
It all seemed like an adventure at the time.
I can’t really remember what my parents first said when I told them I wanted to go travelling in America with Larry, but they were pretty calm about it generally.
As a parent now, I think back to that trip and all the other ‘adventures’ I got into growing up .. and I just think .. I am never letting my kids out of my sight!!
I always thought I would be incredibly laid back as a parent, but I don’t want them to have the sort of experiences that I’ve had.
I’m really struggling with this! I know they need experiences in order to develop and grow, but I’m frightened to let go. But then if we don't let go, they won't get the experiences they need to shape their character to enable them to deal with life's difficulties. How do you learn to deal with a crisis if you haven't found yourself in a crisis before?
If we stretched our money out, we were hoping we’d last up to 3 months, before having to come back home.
I phoned Larry at his work ‘Great news!’ I said, ‘I’ve found flights to New York for just £70 each.’
‘That’s fantastic!’ he said, ‘who are we flying with?’
‘Well, the flights are with BA, but there’s a catch ..’
‘What’s the catch?’ he interrupted impatiently.
‘We can’t take any luggage!’
‘Why not?’ he said.
‘We’ll be couriers. We book the flights through TNT and they use our baggage allowance for cargo. We just have to hand some documents to a representative and we’re done! Hand luggage only, but only £70.’
‘That doesn’t sound that bad’ Larry said. ‘let’s do it!’
‘There’s another catch’ I said, ‘there is only one courier spot each day. So one of us goes one day, waits in New York overnight, and then the other one comes out the next day.’
‘Ok, but I’m going first!’ Larry said excitedly.
‘Oh, alright then!’ I said trying to sound disappointed, but I was hoping he’d want to go first!
The next few months passed slowly, but finally it was time for Larry to fly to New York. I took him to the airport. ‘I’ll meet you at JFK tomorrow!’ he said. ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine!’ And then off he went.
There were no mobile phones in those days and so I left the next morning hoping that I would be able to find him at the airport.
The flight was uneventful and before I knew it, I was walking out into arrivals and looking half excitedly, half nervously for Larry!
‘Roddy!’ I heard a shout from the side.
I turned around and saw Larry learning against a bar. He looked awful. He had shorts on and his legs were bright red below the knee and his ankles were so swollen, it was comical!
‘What happened to you?
‘Well, it’s a long story!’ he said. 'I got into a taxi when I arrived and asked him to take me to a hotel where they would have some rooms. So he drove me all over New York for ages, then stopped outside a hotel in Queens and told me they’d have a room for the night. I grabbed my bag, paid him $100 for the cab ride, then went into the hotel.’
‘$100!!’ I said. ‘You can’t afford that, your money will be gone in no time!”
‘That’s not the worst bit .. the hotel was full and by now it was after midnight. So I walked around the dark streets, carrying my bag, thinking .. this is a REALLY bad idea!’
‘Oh my goodness, what did you do?’
‘As I walked, the neighbourhood seemed to be getting dodgier and dodgier .. I felt I needed to get out of there .. fast!’
‘Did you get a taxi?’
‘There weren’t any about. So I crawled into a bush at the side of the road, and hid!’
‘You hid in a bush! How long for?’
‘Til morning! I didn’t get one wink of sleep. I had rats literally running across my body. I heard sirens all night. People shouting. Swearing. Screaming. It was like the films! I covered my face with my jumper and laid still till it got light. The only place the mosquitos could bite me was through my socks .. so that’s where they feasted .. all night long.’
‘What happened in the morning?’ I said, thinking, how can I say I want to go home already..?!
‘I crawled out from the bush just as people in suits were going to work. I got some very weird looks! Then I asked how to get to the airport and someone pointed me to the subway!’
‘I am not going on the New York Subway!’ I said very definitively.
‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine!’ he said, typically optimistically. ‘I’ve got it all worked out!’
Well, we did go on the subway and it was terrifying!
Our 3 month trip didn’t last as long as we’d planned. We stayed in the YMCA for two nights, and only two more nights in a hotel. The rest of the time we stayed with friends and slept rough quite a few nights. But even so, we had spent all our money in just over 2 weeks!
It all seemed like an adventure at the time.
I can’t really remember what my parents first said when I told them I wanted to go travelling in America with Larry, but they were pretty calm about it generally.
As a parent now, I think back to that trip and all the other ‘adventures’ I got into growing up .. and I just think .. I am never letting my kids out of my sight!!
I always thought I would be incredibly laid back as a parent, but I don’t want them to have the sort of experiences that I’ve had.
I’m really struggling with this! I know they need experiences in order to develop and grow, but I’m frightened to let go. But then if we don't let go, they won't get the experiences they need to shape their character to enable them to deal with life's difficulties. How do you learn to deal with a crisis if you haven't found yourself in a crisis before?
And it's the same for all of us, throughout all our life experiences, isn't it? We are often scared to face up to situations that we find frightening, but it's those same situations where we learn and grow the most.
Perhaps the very best we can hope for is to have a parent, a friend or a loved one always looking out for us, but still giving us the room we need to grow. Knowing that we have support we can lean on .. if we need it .. but feeling free to go out and safely make a beautiful mess!
Until next time ..
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