You're Not Stuck — You're Just Early in the Reps

"That's just how I am." We all say that. We all believe it. And then — quietly, annoyingly — growth proves us wrong.
This is the story of the day I discovered I was bendier than I had ever been in my entire life, and why it matters for your confidence as a speaker.

“Morning Stephanie!”

9:30am and the door bell rings. ‘Morning Stephanie!’ I said as I gave her a hand to carry in the various matts and blocks and yoga paraphernalia that she brings with her each week.

We had wanted to do yoga for years but could never quite fit in going to classes in different halls or clubs at specific times. And then about four months ago, one of our friends told us that her yoga teacher did home visits, so we thought we’d give it a go.

‘How are you two?’ she said smiling at us each in turn as she laid out the mats by the big glass doors that look down the garden.

‘I was hoping you weren’t coming today!’ Susan said, not feeling in the least yoga-erly.

‘Oh, so I’ll go easy on you today then!’ she grinned.

Susan and I sat on our mats facing Stephanie, and began the breathing exercises to start the class.

‘Oh, I have to tell you’ I said excitedly ‘I am making progress!’

‘That’s good’ she said ‘after about eight to ten weeks you will start noticing subtle changes.’

‘No you don’t understand, I’m really making progress with my stretching.’ I wasn’t convinced she grasped how important this progress was!

‘Good for you’ she said again.

Sensing she wanted to get on with the class, I thought I’d come back to it.

Shavasana and a personal miracle

An hour later we were at the end of the lesson, lying flat on our backs in our favourite pose, shavasana – rather sinisterly called the ‘corpse’ pose, but to me and Susan, a nice rest for five minutes!

At the end it always takes us a few very reluctant minutes to come back to reality, but this time I sprung up.

‘I don’t think you fully grasped how much progress I’m making’ I said. ‘Earlier this week I was in the bath, and I always now stretch my hamstrings at the end. And I was able to put my hands around the soles of my feet, with straight legs.’

‘Well done’ Stephanie said.

‘No, that’s not it. Then, as I breathed for a second or two I could feel my lower back kind of melt, and I could actually pull my chest towards my knees. I couldn’t believe it. I have NEVER been able to lay down on my knees like that. NEVER. Not even when I was a kid.’

‘I can see you’re making progress’ she said in a way that indicated that this was normal. But it was not normal!

‘I did kickboxing for years.’ I protested. ‘I stretched 3 or 4 times a week. A lot. And I have never been able to do this before’ I wanted her to understand that this was a big deal!

When we started yoga 4 months ago, I could barely touch my toes with my longest finger .. and only if I curled my toes up, and only then for a split second before I did what Susan calls ‘old man groans’ .. now I was completely grabbing the soles of my feet and staying there for minutes. I NEVER thought I would be able to do this. I KNEW that I wasn’t built like that. This was quite simply amazing. A miracle had taken place and I wanted the specialness acknowledged!

Well she left, frankly underwhelmed, saying she’d see us next week.

“Wow, you stretch every week and you start to make progress”

Susan looked at me with that “you’re so embarrassing” look.

‘What!’ I said.

‘Wow, you stretch every week and you start to make progress.’

‘But I didn’t think I’d ever be able to do that’ I pleaded.

‘Well you were wrong .. get over it.’

There’s been many times in my life now, where I’m absolutely convinced that that’s just the way I am and change isn’t possible for me; and then someone takes me through a consistent process of growth and bingo! I am changed!

What surprises me so much is that this still surprises me. Even though it’s happened time and time again in many different areas of my life, and even though I’ve been teaching this stuff for many years now .. somehow we are always very convinced by our own story aren’t we?

What this means for you as a speaker

• "That’s just how I am" is almost always a story, not a fact.
• Progress feels invisible until it doesn’t. You’ll swear nothing is changing, and then one day you do something you “can’t do.”
• Confidence is earned in quiet reps, not in hype. You don’t think your way into stage confidence. You train your way into it.