The Day I Learned the World Was Bigger Than I Thought (1975)

One minute I was fearless. The next minute I was absolutely sure I was going to die. This is the story of the first time I realized: the world is deeper than you think, and confidence can disappear in a single breath.

“I can breathe anywhere now.”

In 1975, I was 6 years old. I had just learned to snorkel and was incredibly proud of myself. I practiced with my new mask and snorkel in the bath and was amazed how easy it was. And how freeing it was — I could swim anywhere now, it didn’t matter if I couldn’t touch the bottom because I could put my head down and breathe!

That summer we went on a family holiday to Punta Mongo in Spain. My sister is 3 years older than me, so she was already a good swimmer and a good snorkeller; but having just learned, I was full of that kind of confidence and arrogance and naivety that people have when they first pick up something they like.

We were on holiday with some family friends who had rented a speed boat for the duration of the holiday. We explored along the coastline and then ventured further afield to this island a mile or two off shore. We anchored in a beautiful bay with turquoise water everywhere around us — it was quite literally picture-postcard-perfect!

“Quick, throw me my mask and snorkel!”

“Can I go snorkelling?” I pleaded, staring at the beautiful water.

“OK,” said my Dad, “I’ll come in with you in a bit.”

“He’s not going anywhere without sun cream on his shoulders,” my Mum said.

The minute or two delay was too much to bear so I threw a mild tantrum while my Mum smeared the white factor 6 sun paste on my shoulders — the sun creams only went up to 6 in the old days, and that was sunblock! (Needless to say, my pasty pale skin was torched every holiday — I’d always be wearing t-shirts in the water after day 2!)

FINALLY…I was ready, so I looked for final approval that I could jump in and then leapt off the side of the boat. I was so happy in the cold water, splashing about, treading water.

“Quick, throw me my mask and snorkel!” I said in a mild, controlled panic. I wasn’t that good at treading water.

I quickly put the mask over my head while kicking my little white legs frantically and then shoved the snorkel in my mouth. I was now back in my comfort zone. I put my head down to float on my stomach and breathe through my life-saving snorkel.

The moment everything changed

It was such a beautiful sunny day and the water was crystal clear, so as soon as I put my head down, I got the shock of my young life.

“Ahhh!” I screamed through my snorkel. “Get me out!! Get me out!!”

“What is it?” my Mum said in an entirely inappropriately calm way (which — now I am a parent I totally understand).

“I can see the bottom!” I said, making no sense.

41 years later I can still see with absolute clarity the view that met me that day. The water was maybe 50 or 60 feet deep and because it was so clear, I suddenly had an appreciation of the depth of the water beneath the surface that you just don’t get from the boat.

I could see the sun rays making their way at an angle all the way to the rocks at the bottom. I could see small fish around me and big fish 50 feet lower down. I could see the anchor of the boat in the sand between the rocks and the long length of rope coming up at an angle all the way to the front of the boat.

It completely freaked me out.

I got out of the water so quickly and sat on the boat with a towel round me in shock.

“NO WAY. I’m not going back in.”

For the next few hours, I watched everyone else swimming and snorkelling in the water off the boat.

“Come back in, it’s fine,” my Dad said, gesturing from the water with his hands on the side of the boat.

“NO WAY!” I said with complete and total finality. My snorkelling days were well and truly over.

As a family, they laughed about that moment for years afterwards. But for me, it was brutal. One minute I had complete confidence that I knew what I was doing and I wanted to dive in. The next minute my comfortable perception was shattered and I realised I had completely mis-assessed the entire situation.

That bizarre underwater world was there all the time and I didn’t even know it.

You’re never seeing the full picture

That’s a funny thing about perceptions, isn’t it? They’re never accurate — just our best guess at that particular time, based on our experiences to that point. We never really see things as they truly are.

Ramana Maharshi said don’t bother trying to change the world, because the world you see doesn’t even exist.

I often think about where I’m getting it wrong in my life. What if things are much worse than I actually think? What if I’m misreading it? What if underneath the appealing waves it’s much more treacherous than I thought?

What if things are actually much better than I think — am I worrying for nothing? What if on the other side of the obstacles I see, it is plain sailing?

Here’s what I believe now

The truth is, if we’re NOT growing, then things are worse than they seem. Much worse. It’s just a matter of time.

If we ARE growing, things are much better than they seem. Much, much better. It’s just a matter of time.

What this means for you as a speaker

• Your “I’m fine, I’ve got this” moment might just be inexperience talking. Early confidence is not the same as mastery. Don’t confuse comfort with safety.
• Most of the room is invisible until you actually step into it. You think you know the audience… then you actually face them and realize there’s way more going on under the surface. Adjust in real time.
• Growth changes the picture. When you’re actively growing, reality is usually kinder than your fear. When you’re not growing, reality is usually harsher than your comfort tells you.